covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What did we do last night that was yellow?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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