i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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