I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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