Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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