She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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