Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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