it hurts more in the daytime
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
