Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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