I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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