Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
