question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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