Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
