M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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