it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
