I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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