It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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