wat bout pragnant strippers??
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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