your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Drake has all the answers
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize