your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
