Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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