Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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