Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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