all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
