it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
