I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
