I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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