I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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