There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
