when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
