I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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