My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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