Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
