Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
