made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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