I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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