if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
