Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
