I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
