i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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