If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize