But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
