so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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