she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
