i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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