Banned from zoo.
Again?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
