WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
