Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
