How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
