So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
