her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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