The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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