How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
