i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
