Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
