i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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