I'm going to jail i love you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
