I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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