well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
