well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Less talking, more tequila
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
