the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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