I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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