I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
