I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
