Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
